Zippers

I took a sip of loneliness tonight and decided to venture into The Village. I thought it might make things better. Last time I'd been there I'd been drunk. Even then I'd been too chicken to check out the bars.

How things have changed...

I dressed up. I fixed my hair, and put on tight pants, more or less trying to look sexy without looking as though I was trying. Sure, I was nervous. I hadn't done this before, baring a few sweaty nights half-way across the world... but that's another story.

It was a warm night for December, so I put on a button-up shirt and pretended I wasn't shivering. Taking the subway down to Wellesley, I saw men walking in groups, pairs, or alone in the dimly lit sidewalks. It was Queer as Folk brought to life. There's even a Woody's.

I had no clue where to go. I randomly ask two older guys (geeze they were gay), and they looked me over. "What are you looking for?" A smile. "Leather?" I said no thanks. They pointed me towards Cruise. I was somewhat disappointed. There was no DJs or go-go boys, only a drag queen singing Cher. A few of the guys looked at me as though I was fresh meet. I left, though not before the Long Island iced tea kicked in. One drink and I was buzzed... you know what they say about Asians.

Somehow I ended up in a place called Zippers. This was more like it, I thought: Men dancing in the dark to a thumbing rhythm, sexuality in the air. Still no go-go boys though. Next time I'll have to ask.

But something else was missing too. I was sitting on the subway musing about the two guys I'd seen making out at the bar, when that it hit me like a truck. I tasted a kind of bitterness in my mouth.

I'm still alone. Nothing is going to change that.