The Most Beautiful Fucks

The Most Beautiful Fucks

This story is dedicated first to jfinn, who’s story the The Human Condition at Lit inspired me to try my hands at gay erotica, and second to Annie Proulx, for being able to do in one line what I can’t do in a hundred. If you haven’t already, read her short story, Brokeback Mountain, or go watch the movie!

A special thanks to my editors: Scintillating, danielle t, tami teshima, Trisha Hernandez, Amy, Evelyn Caroll, Johnny Smith, Mara Copland, Hex ElfWitch, Jennifer Catherine, Elaine Ricci, Angel Love, MrVern, Persistance, Shez Grant, Koolpoppaphonse, Katie, Mandy Marie,

All characters are fictitious and any resemblance between the characters and any real life person is mere coincidence, though a very hot coincidence if I may say so myself. Please do not copy or distribute the story without the author's permission.

**Kelvin**

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It was only a quarter past three and already everything was almost dead. The streets were dead; the city greenery was as good as dead; overheating dogs played dead on lawns; even the few hardy souls outside walked as though they were dead. It was just one of those days.

I was just about nearing death myself when I stumbled into the cool, air-conditioned paradise that was an office tower. I had only a few minutes to savour my survival before I was assaulted by a saucy Irish accent belonging to a sixty-year-old grandmother.

“Good ev’ning, hon! Hot eh, Dearie?” she chirped.

“Hello, Anne,” I greeted warily.

“So, Dearie. How are things going with you?”

“Fine.”

“You know, Tyler, you’ve been working awful hard lately. Ever t’ink about takin’ a break, a holiday maybe? I’m sure Gary —”

I snapped. “Would you stop the fuckin’ small talk already and tell Gary I’m here?”

Anne blinked and then sighed. “Alright, alright. Don’t tie yerself into a knot.” She picked up the phone. Anne was the lobby receptionist. “Gary? Tyler’s here to see you…Okay, I’ll tell him.” She hung up and winked at me. “You can go up. He says he’s got a surprise for you, hopes you brought extra condoms.”

I didn’t like the sound of that. Gary was the one who was supposed to provide the condoms.

“Great. Thanks.” I scowled as I began walking to the elevator.

Anne’s voice followed. “Oh, by the way Tyler, I thought you should know: Blaine’s -”

Thank God the elevator door closed before I could hear the rest. I didn’t give a flying fuck about Blaine. As far as I was concerned, he could keep screwing his life all he wanted, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to pull me down with him. I wasn’t going to go sniff some “Tina” with him, or listen to his lies anymore. Even when we used to have sex it wasn’t him I was fucking, it was his drugs. I was through with him.

Oh, I was honest enough with myself to know I was damaged goods. I practically screamed “walking wounded”. I had for months. What I couldn’t stand was the way people still talked to me with that concerned, sympathetic expression on their faces. Stupid friends. It was amazing, really, that I still had any.

All I wanted was to be left alone.

I punched the button in the elevator for the fifty-first floor. It was just like Gary to pick the third highest floor of the third tallest building in Philadelphia: St. Boniface Tower, no less. On the day we filmed The Travails of St. Horniface, Gary had dressed up in drag and had us march half-naked right through a banker’s function. In that single, brilliant stroke, he’d offended just about everyone in conservative corporate America. I had even smiled.

Almost.

The sex had helped, actually. At first, everyone I fucked reminded me of Blaine. Especially the blonds. After one particularly bad incident, Gary took me aside and we talked. After that, things became easier. There were no more blond hunks, at least when I was on set. It became all fuck and cum, fuck and cum. All in a day’s work.

The elevator door slid open with a ding at the thirty-first floor. A man was walking backwards with his back to the elevator, apparently talking to some other guy. “Alright, Brent. Gotta run. Gary keeps a bitch of a leash on me, even though I’ve quit. Thanks for everything.”

Something inside of me lurched perilously close to a precipice in that moment. Even from behind, I recognized him. It wasn’t just the hair, which I noticed he’d cropped short. Or the scar on his neck, which he’d gotten from his father as a birthday present. I knew him by the sound of his voice, the gait of his walk, the flex of muscles on his back; I knew him by all the little things which made him who he was, intimately.

The look he gave me said it all. His eyes, which widened with shock, were as blue-green as they ever were, though they seemed to have lost their sparkle. His high cheekbones and jaw still kept him handsome, but there were lines on his face which hadn’t been there a year ago. He’d lost muscle too. No one could take him for a gay porn star now. He stared at me as though I was some kind of apparition. I wasn’t sure if he was.

The elevator dinged again and slowly began to close. Through the shrinking window, I saw Blaine set his jaw. He moved fast, slipping in just before the fooom of the door.

I backed into a corner, putting myself as far away from him as I could. My throat felt constricted. I tried to swallow. I saw Blaine trying to do the same. God, I could smell him. I trembled. I forced myself to stop. I looked up at the ascending numbers. Not at Blaine.

Thirty-two, thirty-three, thirty-four…

“Ty.” Why’d you leave me, Blaine?

Thirty-five, thirty-six, thirty-seven…

“Ty?”

God, why was this elevator so fucking slow?

Thirty-eight, thirty-nine…

Suddenly, the elevator heaved as though some great whale had beached underneath the building. Everything went dark. I staggered, my stomach churning and adrenaline pumping through my veins.

In the ensuing stillness, I became aware of Blaine’s body, warm, against mine.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I snarled, wrenching myself away from him.

There was a brief silence. “Sorry,” he mumbled. His voice sounded odd. Blaine wasn’t one to apologize for anything, even when I was angry at him for something he did or didn’t do. Like the time I found out he was HIV-positive. Not the Blaine I knew, anyway.

“What the fuck happened?” I asked. I was glad he couldn’t see my face.

“Beats me. Earthquake?” suggested Blaine.

“No,” I said flatly, “didn’t feel like it.”

“Power outage, then. Lightning.”

“It should turn back on in a minute.”

There was a tense silence. It stretched like an eternity.

“Well,” asked Blaine at last, “What do we do now?”

“I think I saw an emergency phone in here. On your side,” I said.

I heard him feel around for a bit before stopping. “I found it.” He pulled a couple of times. “I think it’s stuck.”

“Geeze, Blay.” As I reached for the wall, I touched him and we both recoiled. I heard him draw a ragged breath. I realized I had called him by his nickname and trembled a little. God, what you do to me, Blay. God, what have I done to you?

I pushed the thought aside. “Get the fuck away,” I said roughly.

I felt a knob near the door and yanked it hard. It wouldn’t budge. I spread my legs wide and planted them against the wall. I pulled with all my might. Nothing.

“Shit!” I swore. “It won’t budge! What kind of friggin’ useless emergency phone is this?”

“Here, let me help.” I felt his shirt brush against mine. I knew it had to be a size too small for him. He liked them tight. “We pull on three.” He put his hand over mine. I struggled to breathe evenly, hesitating. We had to get out of here, fast. This was hazardous to our health.

Blaine started counting. “One…two…three!” We pulled, we strained. It didn’t work.

“Ok, let’s try it again.” We tried. Pretty soon we were hot, sweaty, and winded.

“Alright, last time, ’kay?” I gasped, finally. “Then I’m calling it quits.”

Together we said, “One…two…three…ARGGH—!”

One moment we had our feet planted firmly on the wall, the next we were a tangled, sweaty heap on the floor.

“Ow…”

“You alright, Ty?”

“I think I hit my head.”

I felt Blaine’s hand touch the back of my skull. I winced. Not just from pain.

“Yeah, feel a bump.” He let his hand fall, shifting slightly.

“Well, at least we got…” I stopped. Then I started laughing. Once Blaine figured it out (he always was a little slow with jokes), he joined in with his familiar baritone. We were still holding the knob of the phone-cabinet. We had ripped it right off the wall.

Pretty soon I was laughing so hard I was in tears. And before long I wasn’t sure if I was laughing or crying. It had been a long time. It was as if an enormous dam had broken. All this time we kept holding the handle, where our hands were joined.

“Ty…” Blaine reached for me. I pulled away, stilling. I wasn’t ready. Now it was Blaine’s turn to become still.

I took a breath to steady myself. “Blay, where have you been?”

He was silent for a moment. “In rehab.”

“Really?” I kept my voice cool. I had to be careful.

He hesitated, sensing the change in my tone. “Yes.”

“Since when?”

“Since the morning after you left.”

“Why didn’t I know?”

“I made Curtis and Sandy promise not to tell.”

I thought about that. Curtis and Sandy were two of our better friends.

“Why?” I had to know. I wasn’t sure if I believed him.

“I… couldn’t risk seeing you. I’m still not sure if I’m ready.”

“That’s not what I meant. What made you quit using?”

He took a quavering breath. “Because I woke up with my breath smelling like puke and realized… I just shouldn’t have let you go.” The last phrase came out in a rush, as though he had to get it out before his mouth closed, locking the words in. I had never seen him like this. I resisted the urge to hold him, to tell him everything was going to be alright.

“I thought I was just ‘an amazing fuck.’”

“You…” He struggled. “You were never just ‘an amazing fuck!’”

I closed my eyes, against the tears. So many memories. Guilt, too. “I thought you said you were straight.”

“I was. Until I met you.”

“You said that you were straight even after we were together. For four fucking years!” I didn’t try to keep the anguish out my voice.

“I…lied. Not just to you. To myself.”

“How do I know you aren’t still?”

He flinched. I wondered if I had hit him. It didn’t matter.

He was quiet for a moment. “You don’t,” he said softly.

Thinking, I listened to his breathing.

Blaine spoke again. “After the first time you left, y’know, after you found out I was positive… I was scared to fucking death about how much I needed you. I couldn’t bear it, and I never got over it. I wanted to push you away. So I did.”

I remembered. It had been almost two years ago. That night, we were both pissed drunk from clubbing at Tibare’s. Normally he’d refuse to bring me to his place, even when it was closer than mine, but for some reason he let me in this time. As soon as we got into his apartment, we tore off each other’s clothes and he pulled me to his bed. I was hot and wanted him, but nature called. So I went to the bathroom and ended up fishing around in the cabinets for something. I don’t remember what. That was when I saw the pills, rows and rows of them. I recognized the names.

I should have recognized the terror in his eyes when I confronted him, the tremor that went through his body, the whiteness of his knuckles as he clutched the sheets. Or listened to him when he stammered he’d gotten it from a guy a year ago, when we were still just favourite fuck buddies. He could prove it with the date on all the pills, he said. Even after we became a somewhat exclusive couple, we still had safe sex. But I was too angry and afraid. I left.

A month later, guilt drove me back to him. I told him I forgave him for not telling me, and he forgave me for leaving. Blaine eventually told Gary about his HIV status. It didn’t really affect his job at the time because by then we were only interested in fucking each other anyway. But as far as our relationship went, the damage had been done. I no longer trusted him to tell me the truth, and he no longer trusted me to commit to him. Six months later, I found his stash of crystal meth.

Blaine was talking again. “Well, that was a fucking mistake. It took me a whole year after you left to figure out that there’s just no way I could ever quit you. It didn’t matter who I was with… God, I tried, Ty… girls, men, drugs, booze…I couldn’t get you out of me. I just kept wanting you even more.” His voice broke. Blaine, who never cried. “I know we can’t keep this up. It’s over, you and me. And I’ll survive, I guess. My councillor, my rehab group, they’ll get me through. But sometimes… it just hurts so bad.”

I felt a torrent of conflicting emotions. One part of me wished that he had never gotten out, that he’d kept on using. That part of me wished he’d died and taken all his fucked-up psychological shit with him. Another part of me wanted to beat myself into a pulp for not understanding, for not being there for him the first or the second time. And still a third part of me didn’t give a fuck whose fault it was, all I wanted to do was hold him.

I let go of the broken knob, letting him hold it alone.

Then I pulled his body towards me so hard that I crushed him in an embrace intense enough to hurt. “Fuck you, Blay…Fuck you…Fuck you,” I swore. I inhaled him, that smell I could never get enough of.

And Blaine, he buried his face in my neck, chanting “Ty, Ty!” over and over again. I held him and he held me, our hearts thundering like a pair of unsynchronized horses. We shook and rocked like a four-wheeler forging through uncharted wilderness. We were finding our way back to each other.

Eventually, my mouth found his. It was wet, sweet and full, just like I remembered it. He moaned into mine, starving and desperate. I was just as hungry, licking at the wet underside of his tongue, fucking him with saliva and the growing hardness in my groin. Blaine clutched me by my shirt and slammed me against the elevator door. I writhed, groaning, frantically touching him. I wanted to fuse myself into that flesh which I had been denied for far too long. Plunging an arm underneath his shirt, I revelled in the stickiness of our exertions.

Blaine pulled away, gasping for air. “I’m not worth this, Ty,” he said hoarsely.

I pulled him towards me, panting. “I’m just a fuck toy, without you. We’re not worth anything except when we’re together. Then we’re the most beautiful fucks, the most beautiful fucks the world’s ever seen.”

Blaine let out an unintelligible sound and I claimed his mouth again. I felt his stubble rake my cheeks, spreading fire and light to my eyes until I felt as though they were blazing like meteors. Shadows cold and venomous drowned without a sound in that light, and something long dormant began to stir.

In that living, panting darkness, I groped at Blaine’s shirt and tugged it over his head. I sculpted my hands over his naked pectorals, his six-pack abs and his lean, narrow waist. He had let some of his chest hair grow back instead of keeping it porn star bare. I wanted his hot, sweaty skin against mine, to have our hearts hammer against our souls. Clumsily, he tried to unbutton my shirt, but decided in the end to simply tear it open as he licked my collar bone moist. He wrapped his great furred arms around me and alternated between kissing my throat and sucking my nipples.

“Do you remember how we first met?” I asked, nibbling vehemently at his earlobes.

“Like yesterday,” he whispered. “You were the dark, sinful God from Hell.” He grazed my nipples with his teeth and my straining cock twitched.

“And you were like an angel, dressed all in white,” I smiled.

Blaine paused, replying bitterly, “Some angel I turned out to be.”

I pulled him up so that he was standing on his feet as I placed a finger to his lips. “We’ve got lots to talk about, Blay. But not right now. Right now, I just want to suck you.” I warmed at the way Blaine’s breath caught. I began unbuckling his belt while we kissed. I was taking control now. Momentarily I wondered about that. Before, it had always been the other way around. “Tell me what happened next, after we met.”

“Well… Gary introduced us. Said we’d steam up the ranch ‘just fabulously.’ We talked a bit; you were telling me how ironic it was for a half-breed like you to be playing cowboy. Then we stripped to our waists and started the shoot kissing. God, you were a good kisser. I was seeing stars…”

I locked lips with him passionately.

“Seeing stars yet?” I asked after a bit.

I couldn’t see him, but I knew he was smiling. “Ahuh.”

“What happened next?”

“Then you knelt and…”

Blaine groaned as I pulled down his pants and boxers, freeing his beautiful cock. I could smell his arousal, that sweet, primitive smell of an animal in heat. The odour was strong in the dark. I began licking between his pecs, downwards to his stomach where I dampened his curled treasure trail. Down…down… I licked him all the way.

“And then?” I teased.

“Then…God… you started to play with my cock.”

I grinned. Ever so slowly I licked him along the underside of his cock, from its base to where the shaft dipped and flared into the head. There I lingered, outlining his cock head with my taste buds. I knew it would drive him wild.

“Then?” I licked again.

“Then you… I…Ty, you’re killing me!”

“And then?” I insisted, refusing to take his throbbing cock though I desperately wanted to.

His voice coarsened, need overtaking him. “Then you sucked my fucking cock.”

I slid him into my mouth. Blaine gasped and his body spasmed. I let my tongue feel every vein in his cock as I coated his organ in my saliva, knowing exactly how to manipulate it. I took him all the way, all of Blaine. I felt it throb, hot and salty with precum. I pulled back, then slammed down again, slicking his powerful tool further. I felt Blaine push his fingers through my hair, holding my head to him as he thrust into me, fucking the mouth that had kissed him. I gripped his waist tightly, using the weight of his heaving body to propel him in and out. I added a surprise twist here, a graze of teeth there, to remind him who was sucking who. As the pace at which I rammed his cock down my throat increased, his pants became grunts, his grunts turned into moans, and his moans grew into cries. Blaine was on the brink, and amazingly, I wasn’t far behind.

“Uh!…Uh!…Ty!…Uh!…” he shouted, slamming a fist back against the wall in synchrony with the rhythm of his thrusts. Blaine’s cock was my instrument, and the slick wet sound of my lips stroking his meat was our music. I was playing him to a deafening crescendo.

“Ty!...Ty!”

One.

Two.

Three.

His sweat-drenched ass flexed, his virile cock expanded, and his warm, fertile seed ejaculated violently into my orifice. Spurt after spurt, Blaine gave me his essence. His salty sperm was his precious offering, the satisfying reward for my pleasurable labour. I swallowed his virulent cream, digested each load, rendering it harmless.

Eventually, his spasms subsided and I let go. Blaine sighed, slouching against the wall as his knees buckled. I stood up and pressed into him, kissing him and letting him taste himself. “Mmm…” was all he said, spent.

“Not so fast, buddy,” I grinned tightly. “What happened next?”

Blaine laughed quietly as he stroked my face with a calloused hand.

“It’s never gonna end, huh?”

“Never.”

“Don’t leave me, Ty.”

I put my forehead against his.

“Never,” I said, and meant it.

He tightened his arms around me for a moment and nuzzled his face into mine. It was moist again, I noticed. Then he began unbuckling my belt. I dug out a condom from my pocket. I was always prepared.

“What if the elevator starts again?” he asked.

“Who gives a fuck if it does?” I retorted. “We’ve got a scene to finish.” His breath was hot against my neck. My own quickened in anticipation.

“What were we supposed to do again?” he murmured, getting into the game. He knew damn well what came next.

“Well,” I began, grinning. “First you stripped me…” Blaine pulled down my pants, and my thick, pulsating cock slapped against his stomach. I tore the package with my teeth and slipped the rubber over my dick. I liked my condoms ribbed. “Then I picked you up by your ass, and…” Raising his powerful legs, I could feel the subtle movements of his thigh muscles working. I shoved him against the side of the elevator, hard. “…You gripped me with your legs…just like that…I thought, God, I was going to fuck you to the moon. It was unbelievable. Pretty soon…” I began rubbing my cock against the lightly furred entrance of Blaine’s love tunnel, causing both of us to gasp. The seesaw motion set off a humming in my body as my foreskin peeled back to expose my cock head to heat and unbelievable sensations. The heady aroma of breeding males wafted through the thick, dark air. It was time to mate. “…I began pushing my cock…into your hot ass…” I spoke through gritted teeth, as my cock head nudged aside Blaine’s cheeks, stretching his hole to allow me entry. Blaine gasped and dug his nails into my back. I knew it hurt. He’d ripped me open often enough. But I held steady with my mission, determined to take him, for my pleasure and for his. His sphincter muscles tightened over the width of my cock, then relaxed as it closed over the base of my head. I was in.

“God, you were tight,” I breathed. Blaine’s chest heaved speechlessly, and I covered his mouth with mine. I greeted his tongue for a brief duet, before I began sliding my shaft up his tunnel. His velvet innards seemed to pulse as I scraped his walls raw. I drove into the molten heat until my balls hung from his crevice. I wondered, in my testosterone-induced euphoria, if I could somehow drive my balls in as well. “Blaine,” I whispered, burying my face in his sweaty neck. He was wet everywhere. I lifted my hands off his drenched ass and placed them on the wall behind him. Even the walls were sweating.

“Ty,” he whispered back.

That was all the affirmation I needed. I pulled back, feeling his rectum blow me as I withdrew, then inhale again as I pushed back in. In and out, in and out, I was making his ass breathe. His body was coming to life.

Each thrust was a thrust of pure pleasure; each plunge produced a new sound. Whether it was the wet slap of my pelvis hitting his soaked cheeks or Blaine’s grunts of gratification, I knew this was right. We were mating in the way only two men could mate. I was breeding my partner, engaging in an act of procreation without possibility of producing a mistake. I could die, of course, both of us from that blasted virus. But God, I wasn’t going to die without Blaine. We’d sealed our fate on a ranch five years ago. Blaine was inside me, just as I was inside him now, fucking forever.

Our grunts were becoming louder. Blaine met my thrusts with thrusts of his own, using his steely legs and my body as leverage. His cock, having swelled to full size, was leaving a path of sticky precum along my belly. My arms strained, gripping his flexing shoulder muscles. His deep bellows echoed in the heavy air. So male, I thought. I knew each thrust promised a wilder pleasure, each grunt marking our growing proximity to oblivion. But I wasn’t finished. There was more to be had.

I slowed my thrusts. Blaine, knowing what was to come next, did the same. It was hard for both of us, but we knew we could enjoy greater pleasure with a little patience. Eventually he relaxed his grip around my waist and set his legs down. My cock slid out with reluctant juices trailing in its wake.

“Ah. I remember now,” sighed Blaine, his voice raspy from his cries. “I liked the next part. Too bad we don’t got any horses.”

“We can improvise,” I said. I turned Blaine around so that his back was against me.

I heard the rustle of our clothes as he got down on all fours. “Like this?” he asked.

This man could read my mind. I got down on my knees behind him. “Yeah… Just like this.”

“Hey, you remember the horse’s name? He felt really good underneath me.” I put my hands on either side of his waist.

“Starlight,” I said, and plunged my cock into him.

“Starlight… that’s right,” he gasped.

In the next few minutes, or eons for all we knew, I pummelled him mercilessly with my cock. I leaned over and wrapped my arms around him so that my chest slid in the slick sweat of his back. I could feel the subtle movements of every muscle against me, all dancing to my tempo. I liked one muscle in particular. I gripped it. He groaned. “Like that?” I grunted. He moaned in agreement. I began stroking him, just a little.

Meanwhile, I mounted and fucked him like a dog entering a bitch in heat, rutting like the animals we were. I was marking territory, claiming ownership, quenching my most primeval instincts. I sank my fangs, lightly, into Blaine’s shoulder. My mate howled, before twisting his neck for a kiss. I devoured him in the dark.

The pleasure was becoming intense. We were both groaning loudly now with each thrust. Anyone standing near enough on whatever floor we were at would know there were two males copulating on the elevator floor. But we were more than that. We were two men sharing our body, mind and souls. Healing.

“Next scene,” I rasped, and let go of his cock. I pulled out.

“Fucking shit!” exclaimed Blaine, collapsing on his stomach. “I almost came!”

I leaned back, changing my position so that I was sitting on the floor, my cock pointing straight up. As we rested for a few minutes to catch our breath, I caressed up and down his leg, enjoying the feel of his matted hair. My Blaine.

“God, I want you,” he said, his voice husky. He pushed me onto my back, straddling me. He gripped my cock and engulfed it easily in his body. His ass was relaxed and wet, but it was still tight like a valve, playing a tune so ancient it defied definition. Every one of my senses seemed heightened: I could smell the suffocating heat and overpowering pheromones; I could hear the sound of everything from our tumultuous cries to the occasional dripping of Blaine’s sweat onto the metallic floor; I could feel his rough hands kneading my abdomen and the cycles of pressure and release as he grinded into my cock; I could taste his spit and the salt of his sweat as he leaned over and tongued me; I could almost see our sexual energy, pulsating and vibrating in this surreal world of our own making.

“I’m close, Ty!” Blaine yelled.

Quickly, I rolled him over and began pounding into him in earnest.

“Last scene!” I exalted.

He used his legs to impale himself upwards onto my cock, demanding the pleasure of release from torment. His muscular arms swam across the salty pools on my back. I drowned my thoughts in his wetness, while my cock burned in the furnace of his rectum. Searing flames coursed like lightning through my overheating cock, opening fissures to oblivion. Oh God, we were getting close.

“Don’t leave me…don’t leave me, ever!” I shouted.

“Not… in… this… life!” cried Blaine.

Suddenly, the world jolted. I vaguely realized that the lights had come on and the elevator had begun moving. We were too high in our fuck to know or care about something so mundane. Still, I appreciated the light. Now I could see Blaine as I plunged my cock into his hole, again and again. In those sparkling, blue-green eyes, I saw in that moment what I had never dreamt I’d ever see.

Forty-two, forty-three, forty-four…

“Ty…” God, I was close.

Forty-five, forty-six, forty-seven…

“Ty!... Ty!... Ty!” I felt all the powers of the world concentrate in the base of my shaft. The eruption of this volcano, I knew, would shatter the fabrics of the universe.

Forty-eight, forty-nine…

A new life was waiting.

“Blay!”

“Ty!”

* * *

In the confines of the elevator of St. Boniface Tower, there were two simultaneous supernovas that day. One eruption came from the cock of Blaine Hall, hurled from his rigid staff to burst in milky ways across his universe, which he called Ty. The other, more contained but no less spectacular, came from the large pulsating cock of Tyler Olathe, just as he was plunging his steel one last time into the intolerably tight furnace of Blaine Hall. The combined sonic boom travelled through the elevator door to rattle the windows of the fifty-first floor of St. Boniface Tower. The aftershocks continued for some time, creating more sticky milky ways in their wake.

An eon later, the elevator dinged.

* * *

Gradually, as my convulsions died down, I became aware of my surroundings. The door of the elevator was open. Blaine and I looked curiously out into our new world. What kind of creatures would inhabit this place?

As it turned out, all of them were human, though they seemed to be in an oddly misty-eyed, sniffing-nose state. On closer inspection, we realized they were our closest friends: Curtis, Sandy, Brent, Mervin, and Anne. The exception was a bald, sharp-featured man dressed in a bright pink suit. The expression on his face was that of a triumphant general. We eyed this creature with suspicion.

“…After all,” crooned the pink man into his cell, “what do you expect when you put two gay guys in a room together? ...Yes, thank you Rodney, you did a fabulous job. You’re definitely my all-time favourite electrician…Of course you’ll receive our latest Pool Boy video, I always keep my word… It was a pleasure…Well, I really must go now, thank you again Rodney. Ta ta!”

He snapped the cell phone shut with a click. I felt strangely violated.

“We heard everything, guys,” said Curtis, shaking his head and smiling.

“It was so beautiful,” sniffed Sandy. She blew her nose.

“God bless you, Dearies…” sighed Anne in her heavy Irish accent. “In me sixty years, I’ve never heard a lad or lass say the t’ings you two said, in the way you two said ‘em.”

I was beginning to feel embarrassed. “How…?”

“We substituted a high-frequency Ambix UV system for the security camera,” offered Mervin.

“In other words, a spy-cam,” Brent grinned. “Don’t worry; it only broadcasted to Gary’s office. Or so Gary says.”

Our eyes swivelled to the man in the pink suit. Gary walked up to the elevator and sniffed expertly. He seemed thoughtful.

“Not bad, boys,” he declared finally. “I’ve been meaning to ventilate this elevator for years.” He examined his nails. “Well, that will be all for today, boys; no need to exhaust your tools at your age. I expect to see you two Tuesday morning at eight for the first scene of ‘Bare Duets.’ You don’t want to disappoint me, now, do you?”

He frowned. “Dear Mary, I think I might have chipped a nail.”

Without another word, he turned and sashayed into his office.